Talk of the town

Inspired by this site’s mention of Arcata, California yesterday, August points us toward the Arcata Eye’s police blotter. Some excerpts:

10:51 p.m. In an incident cloaked in ambivalence, a person either suffering with or enjoying a state of “elevated behavior” was reported either screaming or yelling.

8:19 p.m. Someone’s Great American RV vacation involved a prolonged stay parked along pristine, scenic and serene Tavern Row.

6:22 a.m. A man said his son had called from a phone booth in the Plaza area saying he was depressed and may want to harm himself. Police checked the area, finding only the usual ambient aroma of free-floating malaise.

6:49 p.m. What was reported as an attack on a Plaza drinking fountain turned out to be a burst pipe. “Fountain is gushing,” reads the police narrative. “Attempting to find a valve…”

9:14 a.m. A woman experienced the miracle of the digital age when she discovered someone, somewhere making charges on her credit card. And so the paperwork began.

8:36 a.m. Someone spent the night in the cab of an old Dodge tow truck. Maybe we’ll get a song out of it.

Friday, March 28 1:03 a.m. An anti-war vandal defaced various downtown businesses. No immediate comment from the White House.

4:22 a.m. Some kind of weird tangle that originated in Eureka culminated in a death threat in Valley West. Someone had a red car.

5:22 a.m. Another small red car in Valley West, and another report of someone going to “kill” a husband. It all dwindled off into yet another bout of Arcata’s favorite pastime – parking lot yelling.