Wow. Just, wow.

Michael Jackson has apparently reached that point in his career trajectory at which it is necessary to sell off many of the things he purchased at previous, more affluent points along that trajectory. One of the items up for auction is a version of the eighties Batman costume fitted over a lifesize statue of … Michael Jackson.

That’s so completely off the scale weird, I’d be tempted to bid on it myself, if times were different, and if I were married to someone willing to share her home with a large creepy Michael-Jackson-in-a-Batman-costume statue. But times are not, and I am not.

Twitter

I signed up awhile back, but only as a placeholder — at the moment, I can’t conceive of any reason to actually use it. In fact, the only “tweet” that appears on my Twitter feed announces exactly that: just a placeholder. Still, I must get a dozen or so emails a week announcing that somebody has signed up for my Twitter feed! One came in last week from a friend I haven’t spoken to in awhile, and I sent him an email asking “Why?”

“Heck if I know,” was his reply.

But according to the New York Times this morning, tweeting is all the rage among media professionals:

Like bankers who never feel they’ve earned enough, television anchors and correspondents apparently never feel that they have communicated enough. “Heading upstairs to the studio,” Norah O’Donnell of NBC tweeted to her followers (who at that moment, 3:04 p.m. on Wednesday, numbered 1,509).

This is what I genuinely don’t understand: Norah O’Donnell spends her life in front of cameras, broadcasting to hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people. Why in god’s name is it important to her to send out “tweets” to an additonal 1,509 voyeurs?

And why do any of those people care that at 3:04 p.m. on Wednesday she is “Heading upstairs to the studio.” Seriously — why in god’s name would anyone care what anyone is doing to that degree of minute specificity?

For awhile I thought it might be fun to start sending out tweets every few minutes, about my most banal activities. Brushed my teeth! Took a shit! Checked my email! Sending out a tweet! Except that seems to be pretty much what people are actually doing. Satire has to surpass reality, not simply reflect it.

Well, I’m off to the gym. And then I’ll probably take a shower. Haven’t decided what I’m doing this afternoon, but I’ll let you know!

Wash. Rinse. Repeat

Here’s every Republican objection to the stimulus package in a nutshell :

Republican Tool : Obama wants to spend money on _____?!

You : Ummm…actually, no. That was mentioned one, in passing, but it isn’t in the bill. At all.

Republican Tool : Oh…but Obama wants to spend money on _____?!

You : Yeah. Because _______ is not only more important to our economy than your tone suggests, but the money spent will actually be used to create jobs in that field.

Republican Tool : Oh…but Obama wants to spend money on _____?!

Fill in the blanks with the Republican talking points of your choice : Volcanoes, Marsh Mice, Supertrains, Earmarks, etc.

Hurray! Arrgh!

Arrgh that this was ever even under consideration, but hurray that he’s putting it on the shelf for now:

WASHINGTON — President Obama is eager to seek a bipartisan solution to ensure the long-term solvency of Social Security, people who have spoken with him say, but he is running into opposition from his party’s left and from Democratic Congressional leaders who contend that his political capital would be better spent on health care and other priorities.
Mr. Obama considered announcing the formation of a Social Security task force at a White House “fiscal responsibility summit” that he will convene on Monday. But several Democrats said that idea had been shelved, partly because of objections from House and Senate leaders.

Related cartoon here.