Author: Greg Saunders

Behold, the shocking future that awaits us if Obamacare gets passed (h/t):

I don’t want some big-government Sandman standing between me and my Lifeclock.

Just now on CNN, Jack Cafferty is reading responses to the question of whether “government insurance” should cover abortion and brings up this doozy courtesy of “Jan from Illinois” :

“No. I am the government. I am the taxpayer. I don’t want anything to do with abortion; this makes me part of it and I refuse to be part of it.”

Welcome to democracy, Jan. You got your pointless war in the Middle East, now we get universal(-ish) healthcare…if we’re lucky.

In the grand scheme of things, getting people to complain about taxes on April 15th might be the easiest thing in the world. It’s right up there with “eating ice cream on a hot summer day” and “laughing whenever Glenn Beck cries”. Bitching about taxes is America’s true pastime. So when a few thousand people gather on tax day to whine about their taxes (after getting massive tax breaks, btw), it’s hardly the second coming of the American Revolution. Hell, I remember a time six years ago when millions of people took to the street to protest the government. We all saw how well that worked out.

When their rallying cry is “Grrrr…I hate you TAXES!”, there won’t be a whole lot left to keep the tea bagging movement together after April 15th. Manufactured-populism and a fractured-understanding of American history will only take you so far. The great-great-great-great grandchildren of liberty will have to find some other crusade to motivate them like birth certificate forgeries or investigating whether Bo Obama was really a rescue dog. Sure, some die-hards will stick around like the asshole who keeps flipping through your DVD’s at three in the morning oblivious to the fact that the party is over, but within a few weeks, the only people left to carry the “tea party” torch will be the GOP & Fox News personalities trying to recapture the “good times” with all the subtlety and humility of Chubby Checker trying to get everyone to do the twist.

I’m going to miss the “Tea Party” movement. I’m going to miss the powdered wigs and the lunatic ranting. I’m going to miss the ideological uncertainty and the unpragmatic futility (seriously, you’re mailing tea bags to the White House to demand lower taxes after you just got a tax cut?). Most of all, I’m going to miss the jokes. These last few weeks have been a golden age for juvenile humor that passes for insightful political commentary. It’s a rare movement that chooses to describe itself with terminology that also means “testicle slapping” and those of us who relish in the foolishness of conservative activism will be much worse off for it.

Here’s every Republican objection to the stimulus package in a nutshell :

Republican Tool : Obama wants to spend money on _____?!

You : Ummm…actually, no. That was mentioned one, in passing, but it isn’t in the bill. At all.

Republican Tool : Oh…but Obama wants to spend money on _____?!

You : Yeah. Because _______ is not only more important to our economy than your tone suggests, but the money spent will actually be used to create jobs in that field.

Republican Tool : Oh…but Obama wants to spend money on _____?!

Fill in the blanks with the Republican talking points of your choice : Volcanoes, Marsh Mice, Supertrains, Earmarks, etc.