…Michael Moore might be making a surprise cameo appearance on the Oscars ™ tonight…

I was supposed to take part in a fundraiser for Greg Palast last night at CBGB’s. My usual presentation involves a slideshow and video clips and animation, run off my laptop, and I spent a fair amount of time putting together a variation on that specifically for this gig.

The tech guys checked out the digital projector ahead of time, using their laptop (ostensibly identical to mine) and assured me that everything would be ready to go, plug and play. Well, it didn’t quite work out that way. And it’s my own damn fault, really. I’ve given many, many presentations, I’m not some wet-behind-the-ears rookie — I should have done a tech runthrough using my own laptop. My mistake.

So I was introduced, I went up on stage, plugged in the laptop…and nothing happened. So I fiddled with the laptop while the tech guys fiddled with the projector, and this went on for maybe fifteen minutes, which, when you’re standing onstage in front of a large audience, subjectively feels like about five years, and is probably not the most fun you’ll ever have in your life. I was following on the heels of a very energetic Reverend Billy performance, and I could feel the momentum draining away as we stood up there screwing around with the damn equipment…so I finally decided it was time to cut bait, and apologized to the audience and walked away and that was that.

Not my finest hour.

At any rate, if you came to the show last night because my name was on the bill, my sincere apologies. In retrospect, maybe I should have held the stage a little longer, taken questions, danced a little dance, whatever…but I figured, rightly or wrongly, that there were a lot of speakers and performers still to come, and I’d already used up too much time as it was, and I didn’t want to kill the evening’s momentum entirely. I had to make a quick decision, and I decided the best thing was to get out of the way and let the show continue.

(Editing.)

(Several updates below.)

I’ve been in India for only a few days and I am already thinking about reincarnation. In my next life, I want to be a demagogue.

Yes, I want to be able to huff and puff about complex issues — like outsourcing of jobs to India — without any reference to reality. Unfortunately, in this life, I’m stuck in the body of a reporter/columnist. So when I came to the 24/7 Customer call center in Bangalore to observe hundreds of Indian young people doing service jobs via long distance — answering the phones for U.S. firms, providing technical support for U.S. computer giants or selling credit cards for global banks — I was prepared to denounce the whole thing. “How can it be good for America to have all these Indians doing our white-collar jobs?” I asked 24/7’s founder, S. Nagarajan.

Well, he answered patiently, “look around this office.” All the computers are from Compaq. The basic software is from Microsoft. The phones are from Lucent. The air-conditioning is by Carrier, and even the bottled water is by Coke, because when it comes to drinking water in India, people want a trusted brand.

Gah.

(Just out of curiosity, does anyone know where the components to those Compaq computers and Lucent phones and Carrier air conditioners are manufactured and assembled? Where does Microsoft load and package its software?)

Update: a reader in the financial services industry forwards a few numbers. (Standard disclaimer: it all looks legit, but I haven’t verified this for myself).

Carrier Plants Outside North America (Square feet in thousands)
Owned: 7,695
Leased: 1,732

From a Lucent report: “As of September 30, 2003, (Lucent) owned or leased 14 manufacturing and systems integration sites, consisting of approximately 7.5 million square feet. Six locations, consisting of 6.2 million square feet, are in the United States, three of which are owned. The remaining eight sites are located in six other countries.

From an HP (Compaq’s parent) report:
“Our manufacturing plants, research and development facilities and warehouse and administrative facilities occupied approximately 50 million square feet, of which approximately 33 million square feet were located within the United States.”

Also, another reader notes, “those same brands would be used in any American office (such as the ones that have been emptied) — so what’s the big gain?”

One more:

My dad’s worked at the Carrier plant in McMinnville,
TN for over 30 years. A couple of weeks ago, he found
out they’re shutting down next year. His plant is a
union plant, and Carrier is moving production to three
non-union factories here in the U.S. and one in
Mexico. Obviously, the Mexican plant is non-union and
then some.

So the quality of what American jobs Carrier is
providing is declining, but Friedman didn’t point that
out in his treacly apology for greed.

At this point, I think we can safely say that Thomas Friedman has already achieved his objective for reincarnation: “to be a demagogue…to huff and puff about complex issues — like outsourcing of jobs to India — without any reference to reality.” And he gets to do it in this life! How nice for him!

…the link I was looking for last night — as always, sincere thanks to everyone who responded.

Just heard this on WABC, the Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity flagship here in New York:

Announcer: The first step is to admit your addiction!

Sound clip from caller: “Hi, my name is _____, and I’m a Rushaholic!”

Rush: Chuckle!

Yeah, that’s what you want to do. Promote Rush Limbaugh using the language of substance abuse.

Coming up next: Phil Spector’s greatest hits — they’ll just slay you…

I want to reiterate something Bob wrote below — if you’re between the ages of 18 and 24, give or take, and you vote for Bush in November, I hope you do so understanding that you are almost certainly voting for the return of the draft soon thereafter.

I’ve seen it suggested that Bush won’t pursue any more of the wars the neocons are so eager to ignite, because the military is stretched too thin. I suppose that’s possible, if you want to give him every benefit of the doubt and then some — but I think it’s far more likely that he’ll expand the military to fit his vision, in the easiest possible manner — enforced conscription.

Hey, maybe I’m wrong. You want to risk it?

…I’d also suggest you read this.

All those people you’ve been giving your snarky little awards to the past few years, the actors and college professors and intellectuals and so on? All the lefties you’ve worked so hard to portray as small-minded knee-jerk opponents of diversity?

They’re the ones on your side, in this struggle for basic civil rights.

Your Republican pals? The ones you like to pretend are so inclusive and tolerant? They think you’re less than human. They think you are, to borrow a phrase, a useful idiot. It’s been apparent all along that they’d toss you overboard at the first politically expedient moment — the only question is how you could have ever deluded yourself into thinking otherwise.

You’ve been played for a grade-A chump, pal.

Bob’s doing a little posting this week, so if his name’s attached to a post, it means he wrote it, and if you have comments, you need to send them to him, not me. Thanks.

…that the Republican Party turns out not to stand for inclusiveness and tolerance.

How could they have ever seen that coming?

Honestly, no matter how much you want those tax cuts, it’s ludicrous to join up with a party which repeatedly scapegoats you and treats you as a second class citizen.

…Andrew Sullivan is also shocked, shocked, as the harsh weight of reality comes crashing down on his carefully-constructed dreamworld.

Several people confess that they’ve never done more with a computer than check their e-mail. Others admit they haven’t even gotten that far. An impromptu contest develops to see exactly who knows the least. There are lots of contenders. I’m listening to them battle for the crown of incompetence as I’m dealt a new hand of cards when a frightening thought occurs to me. Our clueless bunch is now part of the technical-support staff for one of the world’s top three computer manufacturers, and in seven days we’re going to be taking your calls.

More.