An’ we be on th’ offensive in Iraq, wi’ a clear plan fer victory. First, we be helpin’ Iraqis build an inclusive government, so that old resentments be eased, an’ th’ insurgency marginalized. Second, we be continuin’ reconstruction efforts, an’ helpin’ th’ Iraqi government t’ swashbuckle corruption an’ build a modern economy, so all Iraqis can experience th’ benefits o’ freedom. Third, we be strikin’ terrorist targets while we train Iraqi forces that be increasingly capable o’ defeatin’ th’ enemy. Iraqis be showin’ the’r courage ever’ tide, an’ we be proud t’ be the’r allies in th’ cause o’ freedom.
Our work in Iraq be difficult, on accoun’ o’ our enemy be brutal. But that brutality has nay stopped th’ dramatic progress o’ a new democracy. In less than three voyages, that nation has gone from dictatorship, t’ liberation, t’ sovereignty, t’ a constitution, t’ national elections. At th’ same time, our coalition be relentless in shuttin’ off terrorist infiltration, clearin’ ou’ insurgent strongholds, an’ turnin’ o’er territory t’ Iraqi security forces. I be confident in our plan fer victory ? I be confident in th’ will o’ th’ Iraqi swabbies ? I be confident in th’ skill an’ spirit o’ our military. Swabbie citizens, we be in this swashbuckle t’ win, an’ we be winnin’.
Complete pirate translation of speech here.
January 31st, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Yee-haw! Kaine made me proud as a Virginian. The repubs on Fox seemed too content about it though.
January 31st, 2006 at 11:04 pm
Th’ shipmate speaks,”Thank ye, Tom Next high tide’. On a bleak, bleak, tide ye made me tide. Upward an’ onward!”
January 31st, 2006 at 11:08 pm
Toss ‘im out on ‘is “buckaneer”.
January 31st, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Is the “Pirate Translator” a real program and if it is can I download it for free? See, thing is, I’ve got a term paper coming up in philosophy of science and a hefty dose of senioritis.
Evil Sub-Genius out.
PS Love the strip, don’t ever change.
January 31st, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Maybe it’s the large quantities of homemade alcohol I’ve had, but this made me laugh bunches.
I swear at one point I heard George refer to “peoplespheres.” What the hell is a peoplesphere?
January 31st, 2006 at 11:16 pm
As long as we’re on the high seas, thought I’d post a link to a trascript from 1839 about the REAL Moby Dick (Mocha Dick) for those with nothing but time on their hands …. yarrr, t’ true tale that inpirrred t’ legend. Thanks for the voyage Tom.
http://www.du.edu/~ttyler/ploughboy/mochadick.htm
January 31st, 2006 at 11:49 pm
A State of the Union address shouldn’t exist in a vacuum. If the media were doing its job, we’d get clips from prior speeches with side by side comparisons (like the one on the deficit from 2002- it will be “small and short term.” So how’d that work out, Republicans? And when can I sign up for the Mars trip?
Here’s a piece from “anyoneelse.org” (nope, George W. won anyway, but hey, we tried) which had an analysis by the numbers of his 2004 State of the Union (note the size of the national debt then versus now and the number of war dead in Iraq then versus now):
The State of the Union: By the Numbers
Used by permission. Originally published in the Albany Journal.
Sometimes what politicians don’t say reveals more than what they do talk about in their speeches. Here’s a rundown on President Bush’s January 20, 2004 State of the Union Address, using a global search, placed in context with some matters he chose not to mention:
* 0 Mentions of any weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq;
* 1 Use of the phrase “weapons of mass destruction” in the same sentence with the word “Iraq” (”… already the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations.”);
* 3 days after President Bush’s State of the Union speech that David Kay resigned, stating “I don’t think they existed,… What everyone was talking about is stockpiles produced after the end of the last (1991) Gulf War, and I don’t think there was a large-scale production program in the ’90s,”
* 21 times President Bush mentioned tax cuts or tax relief, including proposals which would reduce taxes on corporations earning more than $10 billion annually, reduce taxes on persons with incomes over $10 million annually, eliminate virtually all taxes for multimillionaires and billionaires whose primary income is from stock dividends and stock sales, and end all taxes on estates worth over one million dollars (estates under one million are already exempt);
* 0 mentions of the fact that while under President Bush’s proposals a typical wage earning taxpayer would get less than $500 in net annual tax relief, those earning a million dollars or more will save an average of $100,000 a year;
* 0 mentions that for an American family of four $8,000 will be their additional burden in national debt borrowed by the government in 2004 to fund tax cuts and the war in Iraq;
* 0 mentions that costs of the war in Iraq were supposed to be repaid from oil revenues from Iraqi wells;
* 0 mentions of the hundreds of billions of dollars needed to fulfill President Bush’s recent promise to go to Mars and the Moon;
* 0 mentions of the national debt- which increased by $1.33 trillion dollars in the 3 years since President Bush took office to $7,002,877,924,418.81 on January 16, 2004, and is now rising at a rate of $1.5 billion dollars a day, $545 billion a year;
* 1 promise to cut the annual $545 billion dollar “deficit” (not the debt) in half in five years- which would still allow for an additional $2.5 trillion dollars in debt;
* 0 mentions of President Bush’s prediction from his 2002 State of the Union speech that “the deficit will be small and short term.”
* 0 days President Bush would have left in office five years from now if he wins reelection in 2004 but fails to reduce the deficit as promised;
* 9 mentions of marriage and Federal laws about marriage that discriminate against gays;
* 0 mentions of laws needed to protect gays from employment discrimination or hate crimes;
* 1 mention of a proposed constitutional amendment to prohibit any State’s citizens from voting to allow gay couples the same rights as married couples (”… the only alternative left… would be the constitutional process. Our Nation must defend the sanctity of marriage.”)
* 0 mentions of a proposed constitutional amendment to balance the budget, a plank in the Republicans’ “Contract for America” when they took control of the House and Senate in 1994;
* 1 mention of health care centers established in Iraq, paid for by U.S. taxpayers;
* 0 proposals to provide government funded health care centers for the 41 million Americans, including 12 million children, who lack any coverage;
* 0 mentions of the fact that more than 500 American servicemen and women had died in Iraq since the last State of the Union address (and more than 2,900 were wounded);
* 0 mentions that 363 Americans had died since May 1, 2003, when President Bush declared major combat operations over in Iraq;
* 0 funerals of American soldiers attended by President Bush, before or after May 1st;
* 44 fund raisers attended by President Bush in a seven month period after he declared major combat operations over in Iraq, during which he raised $112 million dollars for his reelection campaign.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:24 am
That’s funny. It took me a minute to figure out that was translated to pirate and not just a phonological transcript of what Bush actually said. I think it was the “swashbuckling” that finally gave it away.
February 1st, 2006 at 1:09 am
eyyy me an me lads be rollin’ on t’ seas o’ hysterical folly, lest i click on t’ link once a gayin.
February 1st, 2006 at 1:32 am
10 Responses to Yarr? Well, thar be a lot o’ different toyps o’ yarr, spose I!
Ya scurvy dog! Albatross aroun’ me neck! Whar’d ye get th’ Pirate Translator? Be it from th’ land o’ Google? Ye’ll be keelhauled from th’ tallest crows’ nest yet, matey, or me name be not Rostrum Stonebeard! Fair warned be ye, land-lubber!
(Toyps? Yarr, toyps! An Oyrish Poyrit, be I!)
February 1st, 2006 at 3:25 am
Yarrrr darn fu’kin right. Hilarious.
February 1st, 2006 at 3:59 am
Just want to mention, after re-reading this account of whaling I posted, tho repulsed at the slaughter, the empathy for the hunted… and the pirateynessful (and good) writing I found striking. This is, an event that occured in 1839 o.k.? as F.Z would encourage, Nanook, don’t be a naughty eskimo.
February 1st, 2006 at 7:38 am
Speaking of piracy, did anyone notice that the ‘disturbance’ for which Cindy Sheehan was arrested and removed from the speech was wearing a T-shirt with an anti-war slogan?
February 1st, 2006 at 9:17 am
I have one question: who’s FOR human/animal hybrids? Has anyone gone out and said that they’re going to be mixing people and puppies?
Of course, If they DO ban human/animal hybrids, where will we get our congressional representitives?
Yeharr
February 1st, 2006 at 9:22 am
Ye be blightin’ me sacred tounge when ye be puttin’ it to use on this scoundrel’s speechifyin’.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:58 am
I’m just glad an American politician finally had the balls to declare unequivocally that the US will ‘never surrender to evil.’ It’s been the 800 lb gorilla in the room for a long time now.
On a serious note, how was that line not followed by peals of laughter? Does everyone in Congress think there is something evil that we have the option of surrendering to?
Maybe if we surrendered to evil it would help us fight terrorists. Maybe evil knows where Osammy is. Do you think they keep in touch? I bet they do; bonds made working for Reagan last a long time.
February 1st, 2006 at 10:21 am
As a die hard fan of the movie ‘Blade Runner’(the ORIGINAL, not the Directors cut) I was struck the other day while re-watching it (for the 999,999th time) by the comment the Replicant Roy Batty made at the end of the movie. He said, quote, ‘Quite an experience living in fear, isn’t it? That’s what it’s like to live as a slave.’ Unquote. Listen up. terrified America. The man spoke the truth. If you let George keep you living in fear then you’re no better than slaves. An that was ‘Masser’ that gave the State of the Union speech last night.
February 1st, 2006 at 10:56 am
shiver me timbers, that was a laugh, arrrr!
james f., you’re absolutely correct about the vacuum. i’m quite certain that bush “enabled” our “oil addiction” by calling it “the american lifestyle” perhaps exactly a year ago.
February 1st, 2006 at 11:08 am
Sounds like nation building to me.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:16 pm
run through the ali g translator:
our wurk in iraq is difficult, coz our emeny is brutal. but dat brutality ain’t stopped da dramatic progress of a new democracy. in less than three years, da nation as gone from dictatorship, to liberation, to sovereignty, to a constitution, to national elections. at da same time, our coalition as bin relentless in shuttin off terrerorists infiltration, clearin out insurgent strongholds and turnin ova territory to iraqi security forces.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:19 pm
I also agree with James that the State of the Union shouldn’t be a media-fawn-a-thon in a vaccuum (look, Laura Bush is sitting with her handpicked black guy and Muslim woman!), and that they should do fact-checking. My boyfriend was saying they should do it like Vh1 pop-up videos.
But since that will never happen, you can get the fact-checking from ThinkProgress:
http://thinkprogress.org/?tag=State+of+the+Union
Also, those CNN talking heads that were commenting before the SOTU need to go squirrel away with Dick Cheney in his bunker and leave our poor, poor ears alone.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:52 pm
`Tis a lame bump, but fer some real fookin’ piracy, listen to www.pirate969.org, San Diego’s longest-running Py-Rate Station, YAAARR!
February 1st, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Arrr! Thank ye fer that! I blogged it.
eliazarrrrr }()+
February 1st, 2006 at 2:23 pm
The invasion of Iraq is for oil and to secure corporate interests in the region.
They want that so they can continue to fill the stores with amusements and necessities. These of course will be purchased by the public, who have no qualms about buying things paid for in the blood on innocent people.
The public will then continue to breed more people, most of whom want the same amusements and necessities.
Bush is the pusher man. God Damn the Pusher Man!
But he’s simply half the equation. The population increases at three additional people per second.
You there reading this. Your computer is made from oil. When it’s broken it’s filled with toxins that will poison the planet.
Did you care about that when you bought it?
hell no…
It’s easier to just keep blaming the other half of the equation for all the world’s problems.
God damn the pusher man. It’s the mantra of denial.
It’s the mantra of the heterosexist, breeding consumer world.
Don’t look in the mirror. Just blame the people who do the dirty work to provide you with your amusements.
War is ugly. Murder is hideous. Mercenaries are evil.
Yet, your computer and the other oil based products you rely on would not exist without them.
And as you breed more people onto this planet, remember, the real estate isn’t getting any larger.
Thus the wars will be bloodier. The mercenaries more brutal.
Until the last resource is either consumed or poisoned.
And we all die pointing the finger at Bush.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:49 pm
On behalf o’ th’ whole crew here at International Talk Like A Pirate Day, may I just say:
Shiver me timbers, mate. You made our day a wee bit easier t’bear.
Arrrrrr,
February 2nd, 2006 at 4:05 pm
That this Bush swagger should sully th’ pirate tongue — it’s a bloody disgrace t’ honest piracy!
We all know that honest pirates are a democratic lot — they take na’ bullshit from a capt’n what don’t listen t’ th’ men! They keelhaul the slob and get them a new one, yarrgh!